It's beyond...It's BEYOND!

First of all, Sarah Silverman is BEYOND! Second of all, let's get the fuck down to florida.

Sarah Palin, one failed heart beat away from president.

terrifying...just watch it.

THE BOOMKACK IS BACK LIL' MUFFS!

Laurie Anne Gibson! You're a television Goddess! The unbalanced choreographer with over-the-top petnames and wacked out dance rehearsals has made her triumphant return to P.Diddy's MAKING THE BAND 4. Laurie is the reason I watched the show in the first place. Last season ended uproareously with Diddy kicking her off the show, after Laurie decided to go against Diddy's instructions for Day 26's dance rehearsals. Diddy allegedly through a chair at her. All i can say is, If YOU ARE THAT BAD ASS OF A CHOREOGRAPHER TO HAVE DIDDY THROW A CHAIR AT YOU AND THEN ASK U BACK...WOMAN, YOU ARE A MOST OFFICIAL BITCH! I hear she gets a little crazy on next week's episode, but more reason to love her...Laurie Anne learn her lesson? HELL NAW! SHE'S OFFICIAL NOW.

REGULATING THE PAPARAZZI

"John Mayer wants paparazzi tax, Britney's crotch deductable"...good for John Mayer! Sure, Britney and Paris' vaginas ask for it, but it doesnt matter. There are no restrictions on these creeps, and one almost killed me the other day swirving after Shia Lebouf on pch. If we let them do it to EVERYONE, they will target ANYONE, whether its Britney Spears' vagina, John Mayer, or local residents. Let's see what our SUPER CLASSY chief of police has to say...

cheif of police everybody...


HUNNY DO U KNOW WHERE U LIVE? UR IN HOLLYWOOD, FILLED WITH CELEBRITIES, IF YOU'D LIKE TO ABOLISH THEM ALL TOGETHER BE OUR GUEST, BUT WHILE THEY ARE FLOODING THE CITY, WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. I'M SURE PRINCESS DIANA WOULD HAVE LOVED TO KNOW HER SECURITY WOULD BE VOIDED DUE TO YOUR BELIEFS ON BRITNEY SPEARS AND LINDSAY LOHAN. UR AN ARROGANT IDIOT.

AWWWW HELL NAW!

WELL THERE GOES THE SHOW...AMERICA'S BEST DANCE BOOOOOOOOOO! Say goodbye to the only crew that didnt try to be like JABAWOKEEZ. This is so awful i had to blog about it.


THEY SENT MY NEW TV BFF'S HOME OVER THIS? MAKE IT STOP.


STANDING OVATION THEN SLAP IN THE FACE!?!? HUH?
SAY WHAT? FANNY PACK , the most creative thing on TV, got sent home tonight? I don't believe it! And of course its because of America's vote. That's so wrong! Why MTV leaves hard working artists like Fanny Pack in the hands of 13 yr old acne faced dorks, is really beyond me. FANNY PACK, YOUR'E AWESOME AND ORIGINAL AND ONE DAY THE WORLD WILL want to appriciate that like me! FANNY PACK: ABDC SEASON 2 WINNERS!

MOST OFFICIAL BITCHES

This Keychain belongs to only the most official bitches. There's really only a select few, i suppose. What is an "official bitch?" you might ask...It's a woman who makes extreme decisions and stands behind all of them with no excuses. An official bitch represents herself to the FULLEST, even with a bad reputation!

Founding Official Bitches include:

1.) Mariah Carey of "Glitter" and wife of 18yr old Nick Cannon
2.) Joan of Arc
3.) Lil' Kim
4.) Most Italian women
5.) Not Amy Winehouse (MOB does not promote drug usage for official bitch points.
6.) And many more...

Feel free to nominate anyone you feel is an Official Bitch, as I will be posting MOB's of the week, regularly. Also, if you feel yourself to be a "MOST OFFICIAL BITCH" go to www.marriedtothemobnyc.com and purchase your own key chain. Help support this revolution of official bitches, my personal idealogy, and the ideology and retail of one of the dopest new designers, Leah, of Married to the MOB.



THIS WEEK'S MOB: MONICA LEWINSKI!
Monica came into my work yesterday, and boy did she gain weight. But ya know, we're huge fans of monica! Good job, Monica, for screwing the president, keeping your head up, not shit talking, and eating whatever you want in public! Even though some people hate you, you're still an official bitch! This week's keychain goes to you!
Moni's back in LA 4 good. If u see her, make sure to tell her about her award!

Los Angeles: GET YOUR MOLES CHECKED, BUT DON'T RIDE THE ELEVATORS!

Both parents had skin cancer, I live and work underneath the sun here in HelLA, and i am a recovery tanorexic from my teenage years, (There was definitly a time in my life when looking like an orange peel from the jersey shore was appealing to me, but now i save my tans for vacations and auditions only people!), so it its ULTRA important for me to get my yearly dermatalogical appt. AND SO SHOULD EVERYBODY, MELANOMA IS THE MOST COMMON CANCER IN YOUNG ADULTS! Anyway, I made my way to UCLA medical center today with my love, James, and somehow found myself on the 5th floor of the building experiencing some intense rattling in the elevator. Could this really be happening? an earthquake in an elevator? No way. That's my worst nightmare. As I exited the elevator, i just tried to ignore eveything that may or may not be happening to me, and walked into an office ready to burn some damn moles off! The ladies stared at me as I walked up to the counter with these freakish faces and when I got to the front i was then informed, that yes, a 5.4 earthquake had just hit. Hmmm, perfect. So i did anything anyone in their right mind would do, say ok gotta go! and book it down 7 flights of stairs. About 20 mins later I came back up, totally embarrassing. The ladies told me how cute I was for being so scared and running away. Ewww, this was not a time to belittle me, this was a time to praise me for being the only bitch that had the smarts to get the hell outta there. Have fun filing, stapling and flying out of a 20 story building, I'll be using my common sense all the way down to level G. So hey, good news, I got a precancerous mole cut off and survived one of my worst nightmares. Who knew that on my first day of blogging, i'd have so much to say! So peeps, try a mystic tan and take the freakin' stairs for cryin out loud, this is effin' LA.